My Blog

I just created this blog today and I will be using it to share my struggles with being a "heart patient." I am hoping it might help someone else in the same position I am in one day and to bring awareness to heart disease. I will also share my thoughts and feelings when it comes time for the big surgery and my trips to Cleveland and some about my life.

   Things I have been struggling with lately:

I have a few friends who have either had a baby or is pregnant and am having a hard time with the fact that the possibility of me having children of my own is slim to none. I have a friend who I went with to an ultra sound appointment and it about killed me to see the little baby's heart beat inside her. The fact that I can never have a child of my own has never really bothered me before. I have known since I was little that having a baby would be very hard on my body and could kill me or the baby and possibly the both of us. But having a husband and a home now I want it more then ever. My husband and I have talked about adoption and that has been our plan and still is but the fact that I can not conceive "our" baby and carry it is a very emotional thing for me. 

The second thing is I have been thinking about the transplant lately also and am completely terrified. I am ready to stop hurting and for a new life but am so afraid of the possibilities that something could go wrong. I see people pass away in my family and others and it seems that people forget about them after a short time after their death. I don't want something to happen to me and no one remember me, like my little sister for example. 

Just a few thoughts.....